One Year Ago Today...

2/23/2012, 2:58pm

Happy 1st Birthday Hudson Wilder Barnes!

An hour from this very minute, 1 year ago today, you were born. I am caught in the memories of the exquisite, pulsing, contractions of labor. I revel in the flashes of breathless exhaustion from hours of straining to see your face, and the glorious stretching as I pushed you into this world. The feel of your warm, wet, tiny body being placed on my chest; the little panting screams that marked your voice; looking up into your father’s eyes, bright with unshed tears; feeding you for the first time from my breast; your pink fingers clutching at mine; your sweet breath whispering as you snuggled into my neck soothed by my voice and the beat of my heart.

These memories warm me…bittersweet and ragged. Beautiful.

The details seem etched in my mind. Every miraculous moment. Sometimes they are foggy, but not today. Today they are clear.

I don’t remember the weather nor do I have any concept of the happenings of the world that day, but your birth, that I remember.

It lights my heart to recall that day. But nothing like the light that you bring to my heart today. The brightness of your eyes, the pureness of your smile, the joy on your face as you yell, “MAMA”.

That is truth to me. Unsullied, unbiased, total truth. I was meant to be your mama. To grow you, birth you, nourish you, raise you, and love you. With the very core of my being.

You are a part of me. Your life is a part of my very soul. For that I am thankful. I am blessed to be your mother.

Happy 1st birthday dear son.

Love,
Your mama